


Nachzehrer Mama's Hunting Trip

by MotleyMoose



Series: Nachzehrer Mama's Hunting Trip [1]
Category: American Housewife (TV), Supernatural
Genre: American Housewife Crossover, Best friend squad!, Creepers!, Donna and Katy workin together, Gen, Katy's got a gun!, Let's go get the monster, Monster of the Week, Nachzehrers, Supernatural Crossover, There may be some slight beheading of monsters later on, and a machete!, fluff and adventure, give all of em machetes, heck, no one asked for this, spn crossover, spn/american housewife, spooooooOOOoOoOoOOoopy, supernatural/american housewife, why must there be a freezer full of bodies smh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:40:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24611680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotleyMoose/pseuds/MotleyMoose
Summary: Katy has a way of dealing with Hans Gruber; Oliver is embarrassed; it is only Tuesday
Relationships: Donna Hanscum/Dean Winchester, Katy Otto/Greg Otto
Series: Nachzehrer Mama's Hunting Trip [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779310
Kudos: 3





	1. Can't Get No Peace

**Author's Note:**

> This has become something else entirely from where it started.

It’s Tuesday night, and Katy Otto is a woman who knows what she wants. And right now, all she wants is to take a bubble bath in peace.

“Mama! Mama!” Anna-Kat cries, bursting into the single bathroom of their rental home in Westport. A squeal followed by a series of angry grunts erupts not far down the hall. “Hans Gruber is _eating_ my diorama or the Lusitania! Make him stop!!”

Levelling a tired yet fond gaze at her (favorite) child, Katy knows _exactly_ what to do. “Greg!” she shouts menacingly over her shoulder. “Deal with your pig!”

Soon, both she and Anna-Kat hear Greg, Katy’s (smart, kind, funny, caring, understanding, utterly too soft) husband and father to her three children, stomping up the stairs. “There you go, sweetie. Daddy will take care of Hans Gruber.”

“Thanks, Mom!” And without a backwards glance, Anna-Kat bounces out of the bathroom, leaving the door wide open. Luckily, it’s a school day, which means no playdates or -

“Mom, God! Do you have to do that with the door open?” Oliver, her middle (and most difficult) child, gasps in disgust.

“Yes, Oliver. I enjoy relaxing in the bath after a stressful day, door open and completely nude, all the while knowing that my children are home and wandering the hall.” Her snark is on point today, and she punctuates it by throwing a celebrity gossip magazine in the vicinity of the door. “Shut the dang door, will you? It’s getting drafty in here.”

Oliver complies with some difficulty, a three-ring binder held in front of his reddened face as he reaches blindly for the doorknob.

_My God_ , Katy sighs, scooting down far enough to cover her ears with water and bubbles, _I CANNOT wait until this weekend gets here.”_


	2. All's Quiet In Westport

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family goes on a vacation without Katy!; Hans Gruber is boar-ded (ha); the minivan is packed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are teeny tiny chapters. It helps me write faster???

The weekend comes rather slower than Katy would like, but it gets there all the same.

Greg loads up the kids early(ish) Saturday morning, all of them excited about the trip to the fancy membership-only waterpark two suburbs over (this happens to be one of those weird times Katy is thankful for Viv and her access to rich people things). Being a loving and doting husband, Greg knows what his wife likes; he knows for a fact that this is the best non-anniversary OR birthday present he can give her _without_ letting Katy check herself into a mental hospital (two weeks of lying in bed with no one needing her to find anything or drive anywhere? _Yes, please_ ). Katy kisses each of her children goodbye (except the pig; he's still food in her book, plus he's only going to the boarder), promises Greg that she won't run off with any of the actors from her favorite superhero movies (joke's on him; she's got her eye on a Canadian hockey player... if the need should ever arise, that is), and waves to her family as they pull out of the driveway.

Katy watches for a few more minutes, making _damn_ sure they don't turn around for something one of them forgot. Luckily, it seems everyone has everything, and Katy sees the minivan wend its way through the stupidly-named streets until it disappears among the ridiculously large houses that are a staple of the suburb. With a shrug, she returns to the house. With three days all to herself, Katy knows exactly what she's gonna do... she's going on a hunting trip.


	3. Pack It Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katy packs; quiet reflection; road trip!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER

The trip has been planned out to the tiniest detail for the past four months. Donna packs the weapons, both homemade and manufactured, and Jody brings the tactical survival gear. All this leaves for Katy is the food and entertainment. She is _the best_ at food and entertainment.

Katy is almost done packing her plaid and denim when she hears Jody's bronco rumble up the drive. Swallowing her excitement for a moment longer, Katy checks and rechecks her concealed carry, zips up her duffel and pulls on the practical lace up military boots she usually keeps hidden under the bed. Looking into the full length mirror in her and Greg's bedroom, she finds no flaw in her outfit and secretly smiles at the idea of her Westport Housewives approval rating dropping like a rock when one of the school moms sees her dressed for comfort instead of style.

Grabbing her bag and checking her sidearm once more, Katy gives the house a quick glance before pulling the door shut behind her and all but skipping to join Jody and Donna in the spacious cruiser. It was time to get this girl trip on the road!


	4. Relationship advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jody picks the music; Katy the Relationship Expert; damn Dean's butt tho

Donna is the most excited about the trip. "Even though I love Dean dearly, I need to get out of that freakin' bunker every once in a while." From the backseat, she grips Jody's and Katy's shoulders, the gleam of desperation shining in her bright blue eyes. "Just because we move in together doesn't mean I need to watch every single rerun of Scooby Doo with him!" she sighs. Letting go of her friends' shoulders, she slumps back into the bench seat. Katy gives Jody a knowing look and spins around in her seat to face her other bestie.

"Listen, being in a relationship is hard, and it's so much harder once you decide to move in together. But living together doesn't mean that you have to do _everything_ together!" She waves her hands for emphasis, warming happily to the subject. "Once you get use to being in the same place permanently, it gets easier to find your own space. It just takes a little bit of practice and a lot of compromise." Donna quirks an eyebrow in disbelief, and Katy raises her hands in supplication. "Compromise coming from _both_ parties, I mean. This is the first successful long-term relationship for both of you, and it will just take some time getting adjusted to the novelty of everything," Katy finishes and promptly turns back around to fiddle with the radio. Jody slaps her hand away from the station tuning knob.

Donna sighs again, a little more relief behind it than despair this time around. Shoving aside a duffel on the seat next to her, she leans against the door and props her boots in the window opposite. "Just takes adjustment, gotcha," she says as she stretches and settles deeper into the seat. "If this weekend apart doesn't help, I'll just have to adjust Dean with some excessive force." She flashes a brief, self-satisfied grin before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.

"I forgot how difficult life can be without kids and only an average-looking husband," Katy says offhandedly to Jody, her tone equal parts snark and love for her friend. "It must be tough to have to look at all that Winchester butt every day."

Jody chuckles quietly as she signals for the exit. Katy smirks sideways at her, and they continue the rest of the trip in companionable silence, each lost in her own thoughts of family and love.


	5. It's a Hotel!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short trip; Time to unpack; hot spring dreams

It's a short, boring drive, but somehow they survive the trip to Peekskill. They drive through the bustling small business district and find their hotel a short way off the main road. It's not much to look at, but at least it isn't one of the roadside motels the Winchester boys seem to prefer.

"Hot, running water _and_ a coffee machine? If this place has room service, I'm in heaven," Katy laughs, plunking her bag on the small table at the far end of the room. Jody and Donna give each other knowing smiles as they haul in their various duffels, some almost splitting at the seams they are so loaded with gear and firepower.

Katy grabs for the largest hunting case and lays it lovingly on the bed. No one even gave them a second glance as they came through the lobby. Thankfully, the perk of visiting a smaller city is that a trio of women with duffels and gun cases wouldn't raise suspicion; it happens to officially be hunting season, after all. Donna unloads her packs on the bed nearest the door and begins to pull out her tactical vest and camo. Flopping onto the bed next to the gun case Katy just laid out, Jody stretches fully, sighing with contentment.

"Next time, we take your minivan," she groans, working out all of the kinks in her lower back.

"Next time, those Winchester boys are going to be the ones here, and we'll be at a hot springs in the mountains," Katy shoots back, eyebrows raising in mock seriousness. Her mom voice is starting to come out, just like it does every time she brings up the Winchester brothers. They may be around her age, but sometimes they acted like snarky, immature teenagers. Katy really wants to say so to the group, as she has had the most experience with teenage boys and knows how they can be, but she bites her tongue in politeness towards Donna. Donna is, after all, in a very long term and serious relationship with the eldest, and most immature, of the infamous hunting duo.

_It's hard to be a good friend when you know you're right_ , Katy thinks, not for the first time.


	6. Gotta Have That Copper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank goodness for Google; where did Jody get the pennies?; whole-hearted appreciation

Preliminary research (really, just a quick google and a flip through one of Bobby's journals) leads the trio to agree that what they're dealing with isn't a vampire nest, as the Winchesters previously thought, but nachzehrers.

"God, I _hate_ those vamp wannabes." Katy wrinkles her nose in disgust at the rough sketch in Bobby's worn journal.

"Hey, at least it isn't a crocotta. Last time we went up against one of those, I had to throw out my best hiking boots because the stench wouldn’t come out," Jody says as she pats Katy's shoulder and moves past her to the steaming coffee pot Donna has just carried out from the bathroom.

Rolling her eyes, Katy reaches for the styrofoam cup Donna passes along, and after taking a careful sip from the steaming brew, she points out the obvious. "When was the last time any of us used pennies? Especially pennies minted before the 1970s."

Jody flicks the end of her nose with an index finger. "Ah, but who said it _had_ to be copper pennies?" From the inner pocket of her standard-issue bomber jacket, the sheriff pulls out a bulging zipped pouch.

"How long have you had that in there?" Donna asks in surprise. The pouch had to weigh close to two pounds.

Shrugging nonchalantly, Jody unzips the pouch and dumps the contents onto the bed. Coins of every size and denomination are seemingly represented in the impressive pile. Donna says as much, wondering out loud about the work Jody had to do in order to get such a spread.

"It's more like I went through all of the change stashes around the station. People never check to see if they received coins in the correct currency when they take their change, apparently." Running a hand through her short dark hair, Jody looks pretty pleased with herself. Donna and Katy let her know their appreciation of her ability to think ahead. Jody just shrugs again and smirks. "I've two teenage girls living under my roof at various times; it's always best to be prepared for _anything_."


	7. Geared Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jody does research, again; What a bunch of flirts; that cooler is not for camping anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Gawd, when will the action start???"  
> "Shut up, Moose. Let's enjoy the buddy-buddy dynamic for a bit."  
> "But I wAnT dRaMa"  
> "I said enjoy. the fracking. gal pals."  
> "Fiiiiiiine"
> 
> -my brain

Jody's impeccable research along with Donna's and Katy's unrelenting personal interviews have given them the lead on who and where the monsters are. Most of the unexplained deaths and missing body reports occurred in a nursing home on the outskirts of town. And with monsters as long-living as nachzehrers, a little flirting goes a long way in a retirement home full of horny seniors and tired nurses. Soon, they have stacks of files and reports, first- and second-hand accounts of goings on in the nursing home, plus access to the county's online death records and unsolved cases.

"A perfect buffet of the dead and dying. What monster wouldn't want to shack up in a place like that?" Katy mutters as she skims the death certificates on her laptop.

Jody rolls her eyes and shuffles files into a neater stack. "That's morbid. But it _does_ look like it's a mixed bag of the nachzehrers who eat the dead and the ones who hunt the living, which means it's going to be that much more difficult to flush them out." She grimaces at a particularly graphic photo Katy has pulled up on the screen before turning to Donna. "Everything ready to go?"

Donna gives Jody a wink, her teeth busy ripping the athletic tape she just wrapped around the handle of her double-edged machete. "That's a Texas-sized 10-4, Sheriff," she says with a twinkle of mischief in her bright blue eyes. "We've got razor-sharp machetes, all of the copper coinage is split between us, and," she reaches under the bench she's sitting on and slides out a large red cooler, "we _should_ be able to fit half a dozen nach heads or better in here... in case we run into any problems, that is," she finishes, sliding her machete back into its scabbard with a smooth _schnikt_.

"Excellent," Katy smirks over the top of her computer.


	8. Night Watchers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katy is boooooored; Kindly old woman blues; did she just duck around a corner or...???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! now we're getting ready for the ac-oh? Just a conversation. Okay, fine.

It's quiet in the hallway of the hospice wing of the nursing home. Every once in a while, a resident calls out in their sleep or barks a dry cough that makes Katy's throat clench in sympathy. Three hours of patrolling the corridors and access hallways with no sign of the nachzehrers, and there has been little to show for it. _All I want to do is sit in the hotel jacuzzi and drink margaritas…_

A fleeting shadow in the corner of her eye snaps at Katy's attention. She ducks low and whirls around, machete unsheathed. Instead of a monster, it's only one of the residents with a walker, slowly shambling down the dimly lit hall toward her.

"Everything alright, Detective?" the old woman rasps. Katy notes the tiny oxygen tank strapped to the side of the walker, hose snaking almost imperceptibly under the woman's housecoat and behind her ears, ending just under her nose.

It takes Katy a moment to get her mouth working correctly. "No... I mean, yes ma'am. Everything is just fine," she says, fumbling the machete back into its scabbard as discreetly as possible. "Is there anything I can help you with? Do you need a nurse?"

The old woman waves a knobbly hand in front of her face, dismissing Katy's questions. "I enjoy taking a stroll when all of the hubbub from the day has calmed down," she says with a small smile. "It's hell getting old, and don't let anyone tell you different!"

Katy returns the smile, bids the older woman goodnight, and continues her constant pacing of the hospice wing. Thirty steps down the hall, Katy looks over her shoulder to check on the woman with the walker, but she's gone. _Must have gone back to her room_ , she thinks with a shrug, and begins to wonder if Donna and Jody are having any better luck.


	9. A Polite Little Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna gets the basement; Unreliable cell service; why is the morgue always so dimly lit?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some slight depictions of gore and dead bodies in this chapter. Also, Donna, you should NEVER not trust your gut instinct!

"Shoulda picked the grounds; morgues give me the heebie-jeebies!" Donna mutters to herself. It's only been an hour, and she is already done with the stakeout. She’s tried texting Jody and Katy a few minutes before to see how things were going on their ends, but being in a part of the building farthest from town, her phone's reception is unreliable. Staring at the screen for a few moments, Donna wills a text message to come through, just so she knows everything is okay.

_no new messages_

"Fine, I guess we play it by ear then," she says before realizing she's talking to herself again. "It's _not_ crazy, I'm just trying to stay awake."

"There's a fresh pot of coffee in the breakroom, if you want it." The deep voice startles Donna out of her thoughts. She flattens herself against one of the humming corpse freezers, gun drawn.

A scrawny man in a gory green apron over a white lab coat raises his arms. Donna can't help but notice that he has been elbow-deep in the body on the table. "Hey, no need to shoot. I'm just doing my job," he says, pointing at the faceshield with the small dremel tool in his left hand; a dental dam is rubberbanded around the stump of where his right hand should be.

Donna lowers her weapon slowly. "Sorry about that, I'm just a little jumpy around all of these... dead people," she lies, not as smoothly as she hopes, moving to put another table between them and holstering her gun in the process. The man cocks his head and squints his eyes. It's as if he's sizing her up, trying to decide whether she'd be easy prey or too much of a hassle. A cold shiver works its way up Donna's spine, and she makes sure her sidearm is unclipped and ready. With the chance of monsters running around on the loose in the area, she's not taking any chances.

The man eases his arms back down, sets the dremel tool aside, and begins to take off his grisly uniform. "Is there anything I can help you with... Detective?" He sounds unsure, but Donna isn't going to let it lull her into complacency; some of the nastier monsters she's dealt with hid a wicked bite behind meek manners.

"No, thank you. I am just keeping watch tonight. Um," she pauses, quirking an eyebrow at the macabre display two tables over, "is there any way that you could... cover that up for a little bit? I wouldn't want it to scare the bad guys away."

The man sighs, running a dark hand through thinning hair. He leans back against another one of the morgue freezers and watches her with increasingly hungry eyes. There's something other than human in his body language; a monster eyeing its next meal.


	10. Hide & Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jody gets tailed; Puttin' on the night moves; get those machetes at the readies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, let's do this *cracks knuckles*

There’s something following her, but Jody is pretending she doesn’t notice. The nursing home butts up against an aging conifer forest, the dark and drooping boughs brushing against the windows and roof of the eastern-most rooms, and their eerie scratching, rustling sounds almost cover up the footsteps of her pursuer. Without a better option, Jody strides purposefully towards the nearest corner of the building where a squat garden shed leans into it. The door to the shed faces the trees, so it’s easy for her to feign entering the shack.

She ducks around the corner, pressing herself into the small gap created by the evergreen branches and shed and cement block wall of the nursing home. The footsteps slow, then come to a stuttering halt, _a wary predator_. Jody calms her breathing and quietly shifts to slide her machete from its scabbard. Using her coat to muffle the hiss of steel on steel, she eases the long blade free. She drops into a defensive crouch, ears alert for any sign of the impending attack.

A snuffling snort to right tells her she is not the only thing hiding in the trees tonight. Casting a quick glance to her right, she spies the whitish smudge of a possum nosing the dead leaves for grubs. Jody smirks uneasily at the creature and turns her attention back to the task at hand. Above the curious possum, all she can hear is the breeze whispering through the trees and the night animals foraging. Whatever it was that had been following her appears to have gone off in search of something else.

 _Wait a few more minutes, just to be sure,_ she chastises herself, slightly irked that she let a possum distract her from her duties.

She waits another ten minutes, just to be _absolutely_ positive whatever it was isn’t waiting in ambush. Stretching out the kinks along her spine and in her hips, Jody stifles a groan and a curse. She’s not exactly old, but all of this playing cat and mouse with supernatural creatures in addition to getting thrown into a wall a time or two really is hell on her body. She can’t imagine what insurance premiums would be like if she were ever to stop working as a sheriff during the day time. _County benefits are better than nothing… probably_ , she thinks darkly.

Peeking around the corner of the garden shed, Jody notes the distinct trail that branches off from her own and into the surrounding forest. _Good._ There is little she can do if the monster flies down from the treetops, but at least she knows which side it’ll attack from.

Machete at the ready, Jody steps away from the relative safety of her shelter.


	11. Baby, It's Cold Inside (This Corpse Freezer)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katy & Donna are trapped!; another plan in the works; so so so many corpses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters are going to start coming fewer and farther between as I need to catch it up. BUT! Do not worry your gorgeous little noggins. Auntie Moose will get tie it up in a nice big bow before it's over.

“Son of a mother-leaving bastard!” Katy spits, inhaling sharply through her nose while Donna presses the wadded-up remains of her t-shirt to the long scratch on Katy’s thigh. Lips twitching into a disgusted sneer, Katy swats Donna away and administers her own brand of first aid. “Never leave home without it,” she mutters, pulling a small tube from her jeans pocket. Applying a liberal squirt of Gorilla glue to the deeper parts of the wound before pinching the edges together, Katy hisses through her teeth. Donna wrinkles her nose in sympathy.

“Think you can get up? I’m not one hundred percent positive, but I think we are in the dead people freezer,” Donna says with such forced cheerfulness that Katy does a double-take.

“What happened on your end?” Katy asks, and she eases up the wall, fingertips sticking slightly and prickly to the frozen metal.

Donna sighs, shoulders slumping. “This angry little asshole coroner distracted me just long enough for another jerk to sneak up on me and shove me in here,” she says vehemently. It’s a small area, but somehow Donna figures out how to pace it without tripping over the dead bodies or running into Katy.

After a few minutes of watching her friend turn tight circles in the morgue’s cramped freezer, Katy puts out an arm and catches Donna across the chest mid-stride. “Girl, you are driving me _crazy_ , so sit your butt down and think.” Donna obliges, leaning gingerly on boxes full of dead residents. “ _Thank you._ Now, we know that Jody is out there, somewhere. She may or may not know that we are missing yet, and with the amazing cellular service in the rural shithole, she might not think anything of it.”

She pauses, thoughts catching up to her mouth. “Now, we could just sit here until those corpse-eating bastards come back to finish the job, or,” Katy stops again, spying an air vent tucked in behind another stack of boxed bodies. “Or we could, I don’t know, escape through that vent over there?” She points Donna in the direction of their possible exit.

“Righty-oh,” Donna replies, and, using Donna’s Swiss Army knife, they unscrew the duct cover and plan the next part of their escape.


End file.
